Unsolicited Advice: How Not to Clean a Keyboard
Humor
| September 15, 2003
| Tim
As anyone who's used a keyboard can tell you, over time some rather disgusting stuff builds up between the keys. Hair, lint, crumbs, and who knows what else.
My laptop is now several years old, and no exception to this rule. I'm hardly a neat freak, but it kind of bugs me at times. Perhaps I'm strange, but I've occasionally tried scraping between the keys with a bit of wire or pin, and pulling lint out and throwing it away.
Today, I had what I thought was a bright idea: Why not use the vacuum cleaner? So I powered up my handy "Dirt Devil" and started vacuuming away at the keyboard. Things were going fine until I heard a distrubing "twack" and the sound of something plastic skittering down the vacuum hose.
Looked down at the keyboard: Ooops. The "N" key was gone.
I liked "N". "N" and I had a good relationship going. I mean, see, how often I use it in this article? I enjoyed "N" and there was no good reason for me to want to do "N" in. Without "N", things just weren't going to be the same out here in computerland. I had to get "N" back.
Needless to say, getting "N" back was not a forthright proposition. The bag had gotten pretty full. Me, the bag, lots of lint, a wastecan, and a scissors went out to the garbage dumpster. Mr. Scissors opened up Mr. Bag, and all the lint took a short trip into the empty wastebin. Couldn't quite sort through it, so I was forced to dump it out on the cement and rut through (eeew) piles of spooge with a stick in order to find the missing key. Which I finally did, about twenty minutes later.
I swept the lint up again (trying to stand back from the clouds of dust this raised) and tossed it all into the dumpster again. OSHA would have had a fit.
When I got back inside and put the "N" key back in it's place, there was still something wrong: It just wasn't the same. Intsead of standing at attention like its neighbors, just waiting for my finger to come and press it, it sat mournfully low in it's slot, lying there despondantly with absolutely no joie de vivre.
Oh crud. I'd lost the little grey rubber pyramid that pushed it up. It was now somewhere in the dumpster. I'm willing to get my hands dirty to get "N" back from a vacuum cleaner bag, but that's just out of the question.
So, well, we did some borrowing. My "Pause/Break" will never be the same again, as it now lacks a little rubber cone to keep it un-depressed, but that's okay: I never used it anyway. Its little cone is probably happy to be getting some attention for a change, and "N" is back in service again, and we're glad to have it around.
So take my advice: Never try to use a vacuum cleaner to clean your laptop keyboard. It's just not a good move, as I can testify from firsthand experience.
One day I come home from work and I'm informed that the keyboard for the computer is "acting funny".
So I go try it out and determine that some of the key rows work and some don't. I unplug and replug the connectors. Same problem. I lift the keyboard to do a close inspection and water pours out, and I mean pour.
I quickly bring the suspects to the scene of the crime and my son mentions that he may have spilt a glass of water on the keyboard much earlier in the day.
I explain in my best Ward way to both offspring what they should do in the future, which isn't wait until something goes wrong. We all take turns blow drying the keyboard, and eventually only a few keys don't work, but as they include such vital letters as a and s I am forced to buy a new keyboard.
Don't even get me started on mouses, nail polish, and superglue.
Blow, not suck.
Get a can of air. Well, a can of Freon, really, but OK. I use Gust, but there's plenty other brands out there.
Depending on how ugly things are, you might want to wear goggles. It helps to pull out, say, Q and P so there's gaps to chase the big chunks to. Do not, under any circumstances, pull the space bar; it has a torsion spring that allows off-center presses to work the switch in the middle, and it is a bloody pain to get the silly thing back on correctly. Occasionally the Shift and Enter keys are also so equipped.
When you've finished, reward yourself by turning the spray can upside down, and very gently pressing the trigger. Liquid freon will come out in a very fine mist. Sprayed in front of your monitor, you can see the individual droplets.
Let them fall on your arm or palm, and you will receive a pleasantly stimulating tingle. (Don't do this for more than a few seconds, or with a big blast, because you can get frostbite. Yeah, personal experience here.)
I worked as a computer tech for about 4 years. Durring that Time I had a radio station that was a regular client. They were very hard on all the periferals, expecially the keyboard. Very soon after ariving I was immediatly able to spot the trouble. ALL THE KEYS were melted together!
Not even sure I really wanted to know, I had to find out what happend. It turns out the once white keyboard was starting to turn black from finger goo. So they decided to start cleaning it. They tried to scrub it with a dry scrub pad first. Didn't work. Then they tried to scrub it again with the pad, this time with rubbing alcohol. Still no luck. After some thinkinng they decided it was a good Idea to unplug it and spray it down with "GOO GONE". Evidently none of the 15 people in on this decision(must have been a slow day) can read. It says on the back of the can specifically not to use on plastic. Because It will melt.
LOL :)
Just a work of advice if your going to clean a keyboard, don't use GOO GONE unless you like to type the whole alphabet at the same time with one finger!
:)
I am a computer technology teacher at an elementry school. You would not believe the things I find under the keys. Twice a year I unscrew the keyboards, take the top section wich contains the keys but no electronics and with a little Simple Green and warm water from a deep well sink i flush the keyboards.
A light touch of compressed air, replace the screws and they are good as new.
Now if I could just use the Simple Green, warm water and compressed air on the kids!
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One day I come home from work and I'm informed that the keyboard for the computer is "acting funny".
So I go try it out and determine that some of the key rows work and some don't. I unplug and replug the connectors. Same problem. I lift the keyboard to do a close inspection and water pours out, and I mean pour.
I quickly bring the suspects to the scene of the crime and my son mentions that he may have spilt a glass of water on the keyboard much earlier in the day.
I explain in my best Ward way to both offspring what they should do in the future, which isn't wait until something goes wrong. We all take turns blow drying the keyboard, and eventually only a few keys don't work, but as they include such vital letters as a and s I am forced to buy a new keyboard.
Don't even get me started on mouses, nail polish, and superglue.
Posted by: Kevin Murphy on September 18, 2003 01:44 PM