I was talking with a friend of mine tonight. Over the weekend, he'd been hanging out with a friend of his who is model-pretty, but they're just friends. They'd been in a bar together, and my friend was amazed that these really "hot" girls were walking up to him and talking to him, which never happens to him otherwise.

To be quite honest, I usually think this friend is better-looking than I am, but he's also below average height, being a few inches shorter than I am (at 5'9 1/2", I'm almost exactly average). And we've noticed a lot of ladies just want that magic 6'0" height number, at a minimum.

This led to other remarks about similar phenomena:

(a) I noted the behavior of the girls who approached my friend was somewhat unethical: They were hitting on a guy who clearly already appeared to be "with" a girl.

(b) In college, I had a fairly attractive girl friend who I almost dated, but we decided to remain "just friends". But she was really nice to me, and said nice things about me to other girls, and I experienced a definite surge in popularity. Having an attractive girl marketing you is definitely a way to increasing one's dating clout.

(c) My own ex-fiancee reported two separate girls telling her, at points, that they were going to "take me away from her and that there was nothing she could do about it". Both failed. (I didn't learn about any of this until she told me later.)

(d) I noted the Seinfeld episode in which George Costanza produces a picture of a model, says it's his deceased fiance, and is ushered into the almost-mystical nightclub where all the models hang out. The gig is spoiled when the photo is destroyed and George attempts to substitute a magazine clipping, but the obvious deception is detected. Upon returning with Jerry, they find only a meat locker.

(e) I observe that it's almost like women don't know what an attractive man is. George, short, balding, and neurotic, could be "attractive" if he's perceived as powerful or successful. But both men and women know who the (stereotypically) "attractive" women are. So women look for other physically attractive women, see the men they're with, and decide: Aha, that must be an attractive man.

Doesn't matter if he looks and acts like George Costanza. :-)

(f) I mention a friend of my ex-fiancee, who, for a period of time, would only try to seduce married guys. It was a sick way of affirming her self-worth.

(I didn't mention it, but there's also a Seinfeld episode which deals with the phenomenon where men with wedding bands get hit on, allegedly, more often than when they don't. If so, this would also hint at poor ethics among certain women.)

(g) My friend observes that it's almost like certain girls are "lazy", that they don't really want to work to find out if a guy is good, but prefer to sort of go off the work (however flawed) other girls have done towards spotting and vetting a 'good' guy.

(h) I mention a crazy idea which has occurred to me at points, in recognition of this strange phenomenon. I'd never try it personally, but I find the idea amusing...

We all know there are "escort services" which provide a date for an evening. Typically, we'd assume, as a front for prostitution. Yet, for a guy who isn't interested in that sort of thing, but who wants -- like the vast majority of us, I'd assume -- to just meet a nice, steady, normal attractive girl to date or marry, it seems a case could be made for hiring a pretty date for the evening, going out, and using that "aura", much like George's photo, as a way of telegraphing one's acceptability to eligible women.

After all, it's well known that "alone" guys in bars have no luck whatsoever, which is why some men "team up" with another guy, no matter how superficially, to send that "I'm not a total loser and can have friends" message to prospective females. How much more so when teamed up with a "pretty" girl?

This brings up, of course, the old conundrum any thinking guy considers when trying to "do things" to "pick up" girls...

(i) Who even wants the kind of girls which these tricks will work on? For example, my friend mentioned buying a fancy car to impress a girl -- but what's the point of that? If you're trying to get a shallow one-night stand (not what he or I seek), okay, I understand what you're doing there. (Not condoning, though.)

But if a girl is attracted to you because you drive a certain car, what does that say about her? About you? About your long-term prospects? And indeed, we both mentioned a lot of dating "tricks" we'd heard about, but never tried because we both thought: Yeah, but if we got somebody with it, we'd be thinking: "Yeah, but she fell for that..."

So it's this catch-22: Unless you're in it to use people, it seems many people have these unhealthy little habits they follow which doom normal match-making. For example, some girls want to find guys who already have attractive female partners, but of course, the only ones they'll get are those who would leave the nice, attractive female partner they already have. And I don't need to mention the foolishness of a guy who isn't satisfied unless he's got a supermodel on his arm.

Steve also has something interesting (but not terse) to say about these habits of ours.

My technique is to (1) not be looking actively at this moment, (2) try to be a nice guy of good character, (3) have many friends and do lots of fun things. And strangely, even though I'm a romantic at heart, this seems to leave me satisfied (mostly) at the moment.

Not that occasionally I don't wish, desparately, for a good backrub.