I drive a late-90's Pontiac Firebird. White. T-Top, with ultra-wide tires. Stick.

Quite a lot of fun in good conditions. Quite less so when facing rain or snow. But I'm from Wisconsin, so snow doesn't shock me. You just have to take it easy.

Recently, I had an oil change and asked them to replace the wipers. On my way west through Kansas City in snow conditions, I discovered, much to my dismay, the blades didn't appear to work at all, and only cleared a small area of the window.

I also hit a huge chunk of ice at speed, apparently just disloged by a snowplow. It about 3 feet tall, and just as wide. The impact lifted the car off the ground with a "bang", and screwed up my front end alignment.

Just outside Topeka, at 7pm, I discovered they didn't salt the roads, nor plow them especially well. I-70 was patched with black ice; the right half of the right lane was one long, continuous patch of black ice. I was later to hear from the locals that this was probably the worst section of Interstate highway in Kansas.

The Firebird is a rear-wheel drive car. Under normal conditions, this gives it exceptionally good handling characteristics. For example, you can accelerate into a turn to gain additional control, whereas a front-wheel drive will threaten to lose control if you turn too tightly.

But when the front wheels are improperly aligned, they create drag. Since the power is coming from the back, when I would hit a patch of ice, the physics of the situation dictated that the back and front of the car should attempt to change places. Which meant that every time I hit even a small patch of ice, my car started to skid and fishtail. Which meant I was forced to drive at low speeds. (This didn't prevent the problem; it just made it less like I would die as a result.)

Since this strech of road was replete with chunks of ice, it made the journey suddenly one long barely-in-control skid.

That was no fun. Especially when huge semi trailers -- the only other vehicle on the road at 7pm that night -- would pass me at 60-or-so mph, in the left lane, while I tried to keep my swerving car pointed roughly forward only feet away.

I stopped at Junction City. Next morning, I got the wipers changed and front end realigned at a Firestone. The guys said the last people had installed the wipers backwards. Great.

Sadly, once I got out of the snow (near Fort Hays), I discovered they hadn't aligned it well, either. Now it pulled right. And yesterday, I discovered yet another problem with their work.

I was driving to Beaver Creek. Conditions were awful -- snow, rain, sleet. The road was icy. As I was crossing Vail Pass, I noticed that the clip on the driver's-side wiper was at a different angle than the other one. I noted this to my girlfriend. A few more wipes of the wiper blade and -- to my shock -- the wiper blade assembly simply dropped off the wiper arm! No kidding.

It landed on the hood and sat there, thankfully, rather than being lost to the highway. I couldn't look out the window and drive effectively. (If you own a Firebird or Camero, you'll understand.) Vail was coming up, but not soon enough. I drove for a while with diminishing visibility. When the windshield got bad enough, I took a chance and ran the wipers again. Thankfully, the detached arm wasn't thrown off, and I was able to lean over to the passenger side and look out that part of the window. That was difficult.

Eventually, I pulled off at a bit of the shoulder which had been plowed, and was able to get my car off I-70 with a foot or two clearance. Upon inspection, I realized the guys at Firestone had cracked the plastic part of the blade which held it firmly inside the U-shaped metal hook on the arm. The plastic attachment block had broken off and was missing, which left the remaining J-shaped piece in place inside the metal "U", but also allowed it to work its way out by rotating upward, out, and off, under the force of the wiping action.

I pushed it back in place, realizing it would probably come off again in a while. I couldn't figure out how to detach the blade on the passenger side and switch them.

Eventually, we got to Beaver Creek and went skiing. Riding the lift late in the afternoon, my thoughts turned again to the wiper blades. I really didn't want the blade falling off -- and possibly being lost -- on the dangerous journey back over Vail Pass and up to the Eisenhower tunnel. If I had to pull over while going uphill, I might never regain momentum. And the blade might be lost next time. And it could have happened while I was trapped in traffic, behind the spray of a semi, with no shoulder.

What could I do to keep the J-piece from working it's way out again? Could I shove something into the cavity created by the broken-and-now-missing piece? What? A piece of metal? Plastic? (My girlfriend kept suggesting chewing gum. She's watched too many movies.)

Wood!

On my way down, on the next run, I skied to the edge near the trees and collected some sticks that looked about the right size. I put them in my pocket and zipped it back up.

When we got back to the car, I got out my saw-toothed folding knife and slowly whittled the pine stick into the size and shape needed to hold the J-shaped piece in place -- a small wood block which would just barely fit into the cavity. When it seemed the right size (from some initial attempts to put it into the hole), I gave it a flat front end, sawed it off the rest of the stick, and shoved it into place. It held just fine; the blade won't be going anywhere soon again.

In fact, I'm not sure how I'll get the block out when I need to get it changed again next time. Perhaps we'll have to use termites.

It's the first thing I've ever carved, and I can't help but be a little self-satisifed. "After all", I remarked to my girlfriend, "how many guys do you know who have carved a replacement part for their car?"

Though mostly I'm thankful I'm still alive.