Gosh, I wish John Kerry had won.

Who knew that the Democrats were so prescient?

I mean, I always wanted to reduce the federal deficit too, but I had no idea it would be done by reducing education grants by drafting all those college students who are -- even now -- busy going through boot camp, ready to be deployed to Iraq. Well, perhaps, if they survive that meat grinder, they'll come back with something more useful than postmodern theory. But what a price to pay!

And let's not even talk about Iraq. I remember when the Iraqis rebelled in early December and January -- they finally rose up demanding we leave! When we wouldn't, it finally became clear to the American Sheeple that Bush had sold them the BIG LIE -- Bush's claim that the so-called 'terrorists' were not domestic patriots, but were somehow associated with al Qaeda. We now understand that they were loved by and represented ordinary Iraqis; and since then we've seen how they've been careful never to attack ordinary Iraqis, but have only focused on US military targets.

If only we had listened to the prophets of the left!

But it's too bad Iraqi unity wasn't in the cards, however popular insurgent leaders like al Zarkawi were. Despite being a Jordanian by birth, Zarkawi could easily have won a popular election -- so popular was he with the Iraqis -- but by late February even many of Bush's most loyal followers had to admit that promises of an Iraqi election were nothing but a fraud. Sure, Bush blamed the bad security situation, but it was clearly a mere pretext. Too bad enough of us didn't vote for Kerry, who would have guaranteed an Iraqi election, come hell or high water. (That was what he promised, wasn't it?)

Because Bush wouldn't allow the Iraqis to have an election -- out of fear of losing his puppet government, most likely -- the country was torn into factions -- Sunni, Shia, and Kurdish; so now we're having to send all our college students over to try to regain control. And, just as the left predicted, each faction-controlled region has become a breeding ground for Iraq-based international terrorism, which has been on the rise since January.

It might be understandable, perhaps, that there would be terrorist attacks in Iraq -- a war zone. But who can overlook the recent wave of attacks in London, Australia, and here in the United States? Do we need any further evidence that the "Bush doctrine" -- the alleged need to cut off and prevent state sources of terrorist funding -- is an utterly failed concept? Even Bush's massive security increases at the borders could not hold back the onslaught of terrorism unleashed from Iraq in early 2005.

We can also clearly see how Bush's meddling in Iraq has made the 'Arab Street' angrier than ever. Who knew we'd be seeing so much popular support for the dictatorships in Syria, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia? (The left, that's who!) Wasn't it just last month that the Lebanese people, angry at Israeli and US meddling in their country, demanded that all Western powers get out, and had massive public demonstrations begging to become part of Syria? Could there have been a more obvious slap in the face to the infantile foreign policy analysis that Bush sold the stoopid American public?

Well, I guess shouldn't blame the public too much, since it turns out they actually were smarter than to have voted for a guy like Bush -- the Democrats were right in trusting them. If only Democrats could have been more openly "liberal", it could have been a landslide! As Michael Moore predicted: "If it's not close, they can't cheat!"

Alas, it was not to be. After Kerry conceded -- that idiot, too honest for his own good -- we learned of the massive Republican election fraud throughout the country. Remember those stories of "AFL-CIO thugs" storming Republican party headquarters all over the country? Wow! Even though I knew the Republicans could be sneaky, I never would have imagined they would have had members of the Boy Scouts, Concerned Women for America, and the 700 Club all pretending to be Union Thugs! It's a good thing the liberal blogs spoke out against the compliant mainstream media and broke this scandal!

And let's also forget the shocking revelation that the alleged cases of Democratic election fraud in places like Ohio, Milwaukee, Seattle, and East St. Louis all turned out to be done by Republicans who were wearing rubber masks to make them look like prominent local Democrats. And even many die-hard Republican loyalists had to admit they took it too far when Republican party leaders tried to have witnesses to vote fraud killed in East St. Louis. Disgusting! Who could ever support a party like that again?

But the small bit of good news from this was that press finally turned on it's Republican masters. As you all know, it started when Dan Rather was set up by Viacom -- who had insisted, over strong protests from Rather, that 60 Minutes run with a series of memos which Rather said he knew to be fraudulent, and suspected originated from Karl Rove. Subsequent investigations, conducted in a spirit of unflinching honesty by bright, young investigators, determined that the memos were forged, vindicated Rather (who went on to head CBS's news division) and exposed upper management's disgusting complicity with Rove.

Then, Popular Mechanics revealed how Republicans and other conservatives had deceived so many people about 9/11 by putting out false stories about the tragedy, and forging footage of the Pentagon crash -- cynically using the memory of 9/11 victims and their families' personal losses for political gain! Those jerks!

Finally, in the recent Shiavo debacle, we learned how the mainstream media -- ever watchful against deception, even from allies like the Republicans -- caught the GOP leadership forging a memo in order to make Democrats appear to be crass opportunists! Shame on those Republican leaders for exploiting a family's private suffering and deceiving the American public, for mere political gamesmanship.

Some of my fellow citizens perhaps hoped for rescue from the UN. This became a more likely scenario after UN leadership was completely exonerated from the so-called "Oil for Food Scandal" that Bush and his cronies fabricated. Instead, we learned it was the Bush administration who had been diverting oil money to political supporters -- I hope the UN investigation into the US's mishandling of funds proceeds apace, and results in criminal convictions for Bush and his entire cabinet. Again, who could trust a group of people who behaved that way?

So it has become clear that we need a good, reputable organization like the UN to bring some integrity and honesty to the US. The time is certainly ripe for it: recent polls show a record high level of respect for the UN, especially after it's excellent leadership after the Boxing Day Tsunami. People were very impressed with the UN's first several weeks' response, which focused saving "World Heritage Sites", setting up much-needed land bases at whatever five-star hotels could be obtained, and providing training in psychological therapy for Western teachers -- who didn't even speak the local languages. It was this kind of immediate, clear-minded leadership which demonstrated how the UN should be put direct control of the US government, not to mention the world.

Too bad there's little chance of that happening, since the US has recently pulled out of the UN, over the UN's insistence that there was indeed, "genocide" happening in the Sudan -- which the Bush had denied for over a year now. Clearly, the UN desired to halt the killing, despite the fact there were no oil interests in the southern region -- a precondition Bush demanded before the US would speak out against such a clear human tragedy.

Turning to domestic matters, let us survey the wreckage brought by the deep, to-the-bone cuts Bush has made to allegedly "extraneous" federal programs like the National Endowment for the Arts, and many, many pork-barrel projects -- not to mention the way Bush quietly rolled back his drug benefit for seniors, a program he obviously offered only to get re-elected. Once again, Democrats were right when they claimed that Bush's "compassionate conservativism" was nothing but a fraud -- this guy is cutting spending like a maniac! I should have known John Kerry would have been much more conservative.

But things are not all bleak. However sad things may be politically, let's not overlook the one silver lining to this massive cloud: At least we're enjoying record low gas prices from all the Iraqi oil we're stealing.

Good thing we didn't let that idiot convince us to drill ANWR!