Over on her blog, The Littlest Apologist is pondering some deep thoughts about the Christian walk and happiness. This is not an easy topic, so I apologize in advance that my reply here is a bit long.

Feelin' Groovy?

In an age where outsiders are led to believe we Christians go to church to tell ourselves how good we are in comparison with others, it's good to hear her church is following Jesus's direction that we should look first for the mote in our own eyes (our own personal faults) before becoming obsessed with others':

Sometimes it seems like the only thing I ever see or hear in sermons or Christian books is exhortations to recognize your own sinfulness and repent, repent, repent. Not that I’m disagreeing! Oh no, I am not. I probably tend toward overdoing it (can you actually do that?)

Yes. I'm reminded of the Spaniard in the movie The Mission who carried his own suit of armor up a steep cliff to atone for his sins. At the core, he didn't believe Christ forgave them: he trusted in his own ability to atone for them himself. But only you can know for sure if yours is such a case.

But what about the encouragement? I know God gives us all our abilities to love our neighbor and love ourselves, but I just rarely see much discussion about when you do something well. Is God happy? Or is it just okay, you’ve been less bad today, but gee whiz look at what else you have to work on!

Good questions!

Strategy

Over the years, I have come to believe that the Christian pursuit of happiness or good self-feelings is largely an indirect one, as with much of life. To make a few tortured analogies:

A guy who simply eats an expensive delicacy he sees in the grocery store, right then and there, is likely to be arrested for shoplifting. But the one who gets a job serving others will find he has money for that and more.

Likewise, the guy who proceeds towards some woman with obvious intentions is unlikely to succeed. But if he works on his own character, and focuses on getting to know his female associates as whole people, he will most likely find God brings him partnership and intimacy he desires.

A lot of life does not consist of reaching out and grabbing the thing we want; happiness, and feeling good about ourself in a deep way, is like that.

If I had to summarize the difference in theology using only pop music, I would say "the world"'s approach to happiness is summed up by these lyrics from the bridge in Lionel Ritchie's "Easy":

I wanna be high, so high,
I wanna be free to know the things I do are right
I wanna be free, just me...

This guy wants to feel good about what he does, whatever it is. He wants to be free, not to do good, but "know" that what he did -- whatever it was -- was right. He is more interested in the feeling of doing right than in actually doing something which warrants that feeling.

I believe God wants us to break this self-focus as a trigger for happiness, which results, paradoxically, in both egocentrism and poor self esteem. Instead, I think the Christian pursuit of happiness is a bit like this ditty from the Rolling Stones:

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you just might find
You get what you need

So yes, we aren't supposed to focus on telling ourselves what wonderful people we are, and how good we've done, etc, etc. As we seek to do what's right, and happiness, including liking ourself more, will follow.

Values

We naturally value the opinons of others and ourselves. But an important process is learning to redirect that, and seek praise from our Father in heaven more than that. Examples:

[Jesus asked:] "How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" (John 5:44)

[Paul wrote:] "We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed — God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else." (1 Thes 2:4-6)

[Paul, again:] "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me." (1 Cor 4:4)

Note: This doesn't mean God doesn't and won't praise us: indeed, these instructions would be cruel sadism if that weren't true. But I'll expand more on that in a moment.

How Good Am I?

So if we're to judge using God's measure, what does this mean? As you put it:

Do you ever get to feel good about yourself?

Well, the bible is constantly telling us to feel good and giving good reasons for doing so. We are often told, for example, to "rejoice" (feel happiness or joy; express or be ecstatic great joy) for many reasons. We are told to be "thankful", which means to realize and be sincerely happy at the wonderful things we have been given, including the love and sacrifice of a heavenly father.

Does it matter what we feel good about?

Perhaps, for some, the problem here is a poor self-image: We feel unjustly bad about ourself, and wonder if and when we'll ever get to feel better.

The answers are yes, soon, and eventually.

In the short term, we remind ourselves that, yes, we do bad, but yes, our sins can be and have already been forgiven. (So what are we still moping about?) Yes, we have some unchosen traits we don't like, but we are also given "gifts" which are valuable, useful, and distinct. And God isn't done with us yet, but will keep working with us, like a loving and patient personal trainer, to help us improve.

All this you've mentioned.

But there's another aspect: over the years, as one who started out with a bad self-image, I've noticed that most the improvement simply happens by having our values rearranged. We don't care so much about ourselves, whether we're good or bad. We learn to shift our happiness-assessments and -triggers to other things.

Praise and Comfort from Others

... what about the encouragement? I know God gives us all our abilities to love our neighbor and love ourselves, but I just rarely see much discussion about when you do something well.

A huge part of the good vibe associated with the Christian walk is supposed to come from others. If you doubt this, do a word search sometimes on "one another." We are to be devoted to one another, love one another, accept one another, instruct one another, greet one another warmly, serve one another, be kind and compassionate towards one another, submit to each other, forgive one another, encourage one another, build each other up, and encourage one another toward good deeds.

I don’t think I’d get very far with my kids if I never told them I was happy when they did right...

Indeed, so we should speak the truth to one another in love. If something is praiseworthy, praise it. If something is bad, be careful of your own motives and be gentle, but speak sincerely about that too.

If someone is part of a community who takes the above "one another" instructions seriously, they will find they are frequently receiving seriously good vibes -- ones which are sincere, and thus worth far more than the vain flattery of used car salesmen and telemarketers and positive but empty self-talk mantras, like: "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better!"

The church is, in some ways, the body of Christ: his hands, his feet, his mouth, his eyes. When another believer gives you praise, comfort, or encouragement, and is doing so out of obedience to the bible, and at the leading of the Holy Spirit, it is God himself who is building you up -- through others.

Observe the Father and the Son. The son sought to honor his father. The father seeks the glory of son; both are edified and built up, but the model is that this is most often done through relationships. Hence your post and corresponding experience.

If your church is weak in this area, you might want to either consider if you're involved enough for your needs, or possibly talk with the pastor and indicate that you're not getting enough in this area, to see what he can do: whether it is to encourage you, the church, or both.

And there are those outside the formal church building, also. ;-)

We Must Love Ourselves

Also, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. This is a reflexive relationship: Would you praise someone else for doing X? Then it's okay to tell youself that it was good that you did X, also, and say: "Good job on that point" and feel good that you accomplished something worthwhile -- and remember thank those (God, friends) who have helped you.

Should another person continue to beg you for more praise regarding X after you've done so? No, that would be tacky. And so it would be if you kept doing the same thing internally.

Some Praise Must Be Earned

There is a sense in which each of our children should receive unconditional love from us. They are people, and people have value. Moreover, they are our children, and we love them no matter what they do. And we should tell them this, of course: they're not mind-readers.

But there is another sense in which, if they desire praise from us, they will have to do good things to earn it. If they get a "D", but we think they've tried, we'll at least praise them for trying. If they are nice to their siblings, we'll praise them for doing so -- not unconditionally, after a nasty fight.

This is done for their ultimate benefit, since we want to use encouragement to bring them to good behavior, for their own benefit and that of others.

Likewise, God loves people unconditionally, but there is also a sense in which specific praise can only follow from specific actions. Some of this must wait until the time when each thing is judged...

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God. (1 Cor 4:5)

and some of this can happen now...

I just rarely see much discussion about when you do something well. Is God happy?

With you and what you've done?

According to the bible, what is the most important "good work" God demands of all people?

Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?" Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." (John 6:28-29)

Did you do that? Great! Then what is God's reaction?

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. (Luke 15:17-24)

"I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." (Luke 15:7)

God doesn't just forgive sin: "Oh yeah, well, I guess we'll forgive you again." He is thrilled you've come home. There is celebration if we've sincerely repented. So celebrate that for a while. Don't be like the older brother who thought it was just all duty and failed to take time to celebrate with his father, and ended up in resentment.

Likewise, the bible gives us key times and reason to "rejoice" and other reasons to be happy, joyful, or grateful. Look those up, find out what they are, and try to bring your own thoughts in line. Judge yourself rightly, as you would judge others. But over time, we learn to look up more often, and spend less time staring in the mirror, or glancing furtively around us, worrying about judging ourselves or other people. God will take care of all that. Thank God!