From Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery:

Dr. Evil: Here's the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom... (dramatic pause) ...FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

(There is an uncomfortable pause.)

Number two: Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't that much money these days.

Dr. Evil: All right then... (dramatic pause) ...FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!

(There is another uncomfortable pause.)

Number Two: Virtucon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year.

Dr. Evil: (pleasantly surprised) Oh, really?

(Dr. Evil's company is named with the root word "virtue." Nice touch.)

From Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me:

Number Two: Dr. Evil, as the legitimate frontman of your organization, I seized upon the opportunity to invest in a small Seattle-based coffee company several years ago. Today, Starbucks is a far-flung empire with 2000 outlets worldwide.

Dr. Evil: Oh good, Number Two, I do enjoy a good cuppa joe.

Number Two: If I may continue, I believe if we shift our resources away from world domination and focus on providing premium quality coffee drinks, we can increase our gross profits fivefold.

(Dr. Evil takes a sip of cappuccino, leaving a white frothy milk mustache on his upper lip.)

Dr. Evil: Right. Perhaps you've confused me with someone who gives a...

When it comes to turning a profit, Dr. Evil prefers being evil over actually making more money. I understand his concerns: typical corporations have to pay taxes, hire lawyers, market, innovate, pay their workers a competitive salary, etc. It's a headache! And they're not typically regarded as "virtuous" when they succeed.

On the other hand, from Forbes list of the wealthiest people in the world:

Fidel Castro
President, Cuba
[Worth:] $550 million
Cuba's socialist dictator-for-life derives his fortune from a web of state-owned businesses. Among his profit-generating operations: El Palacio de Convenciones, a convention center near Havana; retail conglomerate CIMEX; and Medicuba, which sells vaccines and other pharmaceuticals produced in Cuba. Castro has ruled the impoverished nation of 11 million since his revolutionary army ousted Fulgencio Batista in 1959. Travels exclusively in a convoy of black Mercedes-Benzes. Sold state-owned Havana Club rum to French liquor giant Pernod Ricard for $50 million in 1993. At age 78, Castro continues to rage against the U.S. Last year he banned the use of American dollars as currency in Cuba and imposed a 10% exchange fee for tourists.

Legalized prostitution! Employees who are basically held hostage! No labor disputes! No liability suits! And an up-front 10% markup on every Euro cashed in for Cuban Pesos! And yet also lauded as a hero by many cultural and educational elites! Walt Disney Corporation could only dream of it.

And yet: $550 million? How much wealthier do you think Fidel could be if he allowed Cubans to make their own decisions, and just imposed a minimal tax? Queen Elizabeth is worth $720 million; the prince of Lichtenstein is worth $3.2 billion, and the Sultan of Brunei, $20 billion. And, despite their having to work within US laws and marketplace, Disney corporation brought in $6 billion in gross profits last year alone.

How profitable could Cuba be? Before Castro, Cuba was an economic dynamo and the workers were quite wealthy:

A UNESCO report on Cuba circa 1957 stated: "One feature of the Cuban social structure is a large middle class.The U.S. Department of Commerce Guide for Businesses from 1956 stated: “Cuba is not an underdeveloped country." In 1958, that "impoverished Caribbean island" had a higher per capita income than Austria and Japan and Cuban industrial workers had the 8th highest wages in the world. Cuba also had the hemisphere’s lowest inflation rate and her peso was always equal in value with the U.S. dollar.

Cuba also had more doctors and dentists per capita than Britain and lower infant mortality than France and Germany the 13th lowest in the world, in fact. Today, Cuba's infant mortality rate despite the hemisphere's highest abortion rate which skews this figure downward is 34th from the top. So, relative to the rest of the world, Cuba's health care has worsened under Castro and a nation with a formerly massive influx of European immigrants needs machine guns, water cannons and Tiger sharks to keep it's people from fleeing. In 1958, 80 percent of Cubans were literate and Cuba spent the most per capita on public education of any nation in Latin America. In 1958, Cubans had the third highest protein consumption in Latin America, more Televisions per capita than any European nation and more autos per capita than Japan and half of Europe.

Since 1962, a Cuban's government-mandated food rations are lower than those mandated for Cuban slaves by the Spanish King in 1842. The average salary is $10 a month and oxcarts are envied as a mode of transportation in Cuba's countryside. The only people on earth with fewer cell phones per capita than Cubans live in Papua, New Guinea.

All of this after the Soviets lavished Castro with the equivalent of six Marshall Plans, and pumped not into a war-ravaged continent of 300 million but into an island of 6.5 million who formerly enjoyed everything mentioned above.

The media's take on these dismal results?

Barbara Walters on ABC, in 2002: "For Castro, freedom starts with education. And if literacy alone were the yardstick, Cuba would rank as one of the freest nations on Earth. "

Dan Rather on CBS... in 2000: "There is no question that Castro feels a very deep and abiding connection to those Cubans who are still in Cuba."

Katie Couric applauding communist achievements on NBC in 1992: "Considered one of the most charismatic leaders of the 20th century....Castro traveled the country cultivating his image, and his revolution delivered. Campaigns stamped out illiteracy and even today, Cuba has one of the lowest infant mortality rates in the world." [*]

Peter Jennings on ABC, in 1989: "Castro has delivered the most to those who had the least, and for much of the Third World, Cuba is actually a model of development." [Newsbusters]

(* Yet we have no idea of Cuba's real literacy or infant mortality rates, since it's not possible to do an independent audit. But while the media is endlessly suspicious of even a "Hello!" from George Bush, Castro's word on these matters is still unquestionable truth.)

To me, Castro looks like the perfect incarnation of the left's caricature of a shortsighted, greedy, amoral capitalist thug. He sells the labor and even bodies of the Cuban people (whose cooperation is quite literally conscripted at gunpoint), loans Cuba's scarce medical staff to other, wealthier nations -- and then personally pockets the profits, living in opulence and traveling in a caravan of top-of-the-line Mercedes Benzes.

Yet to Michael Moore, Oliver Stone, Norman Mailer, Christianne Amanpour, and others who shape our understanding of the world, he's quite the hero.

Go figure.