Yesterday at work, I noted that when you try to measure software performance, the measurement itself can change the results. I mentioned Heisenberg, but my co-worker insisted this was an ancient Zen teaching. I asked for the specific source, mentioning that Zen had been reworked in the twentieth century. He claimed it came from the seventh century "or something like that" -- which would be rather odd, since the first Zen sayings I know of originate from after 1000.

In a quest for any traces of this "Zen" saying, I discovered this oft-copied list of "Zen" proverbs -- or things which pass as such our culture. How authentic are they? I think you can guess, dear reader...

False Zen Proverbs

It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others.

The quote actually seems to have originated from Henry George Bohn, an English bibliophile who lived from 1776-1884.

The tighter you squeeze the less you have.

Thomas Merton, American Trappist Monk. (Merton dabbled with Buddhism, but I'm not sure that converts his words into authentic Zen teachings.) (Very REO Speedwagon, no?)

Zen students must learn to waste time conscientiously.

Another Thomas Merton quote, which appears to have been altered. The original: "Waste time conscientiously with God" -- a rather un-Buddhist reference to the deity of Western monotheism.

I only know a snowflake cannot exist in a storm of fire.

I can't find any reference to this before it appears, in context, as a deliberately incomprehensible statement, in a third-season Stargate SG-1 episode in 2000. (When I first heard it, it struck me as being an obvious play on Douglas Adams' quip about standing "a whelk's chance in a supernova", or "a snowflake's chance in hell", stripped of its religious reference.)

Why do you ask questions? If you already knew the flame was fire then the meal was cooked a long time ago.

Same SG-1 episode, misquoted. (The temple in this scene, if I recall, had a prepared meal and open flame in it.) No earlier references exist.

A weed is a plant whose virtues are only waiting to be discovered.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, who originally said it more eloquently: "What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." (Emerson was, in some ways, the father of the modern "green" movement. The "green" tone of this ought to be a tip-off that this is a fairly modern, rather than ancient, sentiment.)

You do not wait for fulfilment, but brace yourself for failure.

Seems to have originated from Eugen Harrigel:

The mysteries of archery were introduced to the west in another book called "Zen In the art of Archery" by Eugen Herrigel. It Is a book about which recounts a Western scholar's efforts to learn the way of the "Bow". The author tells of his frustration at the odd, often Inscrutable, hints his teacher doled out. When he was about to quit, his master told him that he (Herrigel) often missed shots because; "You do not wait for fulfillment, but brace yourself for failure." [Zen and the Art of Pool]

Eugen Herrigel did a lot to popularize "Zen" in the West. Yet why am I laughing as I write this, and putting the word Zen in quotes in the previous sentence? Read more about Harrigel to find out. (Long story short: Harrigel was a member of the German National Socialist Party, and the "Zen" he popularized was not "Zen" at all!)

When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.

Even in the text itself, this is attributed to Lao-Tzu, who was Taoist, not a Zen Buddhist.

To know that there is nothing to know, and to grieve that it is so difficult to communicate this "nothing to know" to others - this is the life of Zen.

This is Robert (R.H.) Blyth's own personal summary of Zen Buddhism, as he preferred to think of it, not an ancient Zen proverb from within the belief system itself.

(Wikipedia notes: "Present-day attitudes to Blyth's work vary: on the one hand, he is appreciated as a populariser of Japanese culture; on the other, his portrayals of haiku and Zen are sometimes criticised as one-dimensional." Adrian Pinnington notes: "Blyth was interested in the particular effect which he called Zen and not in presenting an academic, historical study of his subject.... [he] clearly distinguished what he called Zen from the actual traditions of Zen teachings or discipline in Japan; that is why he was prepared to find so much Zen in English literature..." Blyth's quote itself seems to play on an ancient Western source, Socrates, who said "True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.")

Dubious, Sourceless Proverbs

When you reach the top, keep climbing.

This one certainly has a nice koan-like quality about it, and I can't prove otherwise, but it strikes me as odd -- the obsession with climbing mountains as a form of recreation seems to be a rather western proclivity.

Women may spend their whole lives looking for true love. If you wish for true love, learn to love yourself.

Likewise, marriage in the ancient world tended to be a matter of obligation; Gautama Buddha himself was not particularly fond of women, and I see no evidence that traditional Zen monks spent much time counseling women on their desire for love. (Also, the answer "learn to love yourself" is obvious 20th century self-obsessed pseudo-therapeutic twaddle, if I may be so subtle.)

If the problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because it can't be solved.

Since when is Zen all about "solutions"? This teaching about worry sounds more like a paraphrase of Jesus's teachings about worry in Matthew 5 than a Zen koan.

It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken.

Just kidding! That's not even a fake Zen proverb, but is actually attributed to poultry magnate Frank Perdue. But even so, as such, it is every bit as authentically Zen as many of the sayings above. :-)

Real Zen Proverbs ("Koans")

If you want to get a sense for the "feel" of some authentic, historical Zen Buddhist koans, read The Gateless Gate (or "Mumonkan", compiled in the 13th century), or The Blue Cliff Record (or "Hekiganroku", compiled and expanded from 1063 to 1135) -- written down before long Zen Buddhism was "Westernized."

A few short examples, selected at random:

Whatever he was asked about Buddhism, Master Gutei simply stuck up one finger.

Medicine and disease correspond to each other. The whole earth is medicine. What is your true self?

Shogen asked: `Why does the enlightened man not stand on his feet and explain himself?' And he also said: `It is not necessary for speech to come from the tongue.' (Mumon's Comment: Shogen spoke plainly enough, but how many will understand? If anyone comprehends, he should come to my place and test out my big stick...)

Ummon asked: `The world is such a wide world, why do you answer a bell and don ceremonial robes?'

Bokushu asked a monk, "Where have you come from?"
At once the monk shouted, "Kaatz!"
Bokushu said, "The old monk has been scolded by you with a 'Kaatz'!"
The monk shouted again, "Kaatz!"
Bokushu said, "After three or four shouts of 'Kaatz', then what?"
The monk was silent.
Bokushu hit him saying, "You idiot!"

A monk came from Master Joshu to Ukyu. Ukyu asked, "What is the difference between Joshu's Dharma-way and the Dharma-way here?" The monk said, "There is no difference." Ukyu said, "If there isn't any difference, return to him again," and hit him [...]

If you read through the koans linked above, you'll notice quite a few references to unprovoked slapping, blows, beatings, etc. My professor of Chinese history first mentioned this to me -- the commonness of beatings and blows in Zen Buddhism. (Quite a way from the Western image of Buddhists as serene, non-violent people.)

There's more on this subject in Zen in the Art of Sex and Violence.

When asked why he wishes to enter the monastery, the monk should reply, “I know nothing. Please accept my request!” indicating that his mind is like a blank sheet of paper, ready to be inscribed by his superiors as they wish. If a monk fails to give the proper answer, he is struck repeatedly with the kyosaku until his shoulders are black and blue and the desired state of mind is achieved...

Doesn't sound fun, does it?

Final Thoughts

What is it about Westerners that we are obsessed with the exotic? The above seem to draw from two streams -- on one hand, recycling and aping western culture (Christianity, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Socrates, and even Stargate SG-1) and, on other hand, an apparently profound desire to reject the philosophical underpinnings which gave the West its strength -- that there is something or even someone worth knowing out there, and that we, in ourselves, are incomplete and should look outside ourselves for fulfillment.

Note to the reader: This is the first in a two-part series. One the links above -- to the next part -- is broken, and will remain that way until I finish the second half. Until then, best to you!