Amidst a backdrop of ACORN's support for prostitution, and ties to the highest levels of the administration; Letterman's sexual hypocrisy, charges of extortion against a top-ranking CBS producer, Hillary Clinton's undying support for a would-be dictator whose ballots were printed in Venezuela, Biden's insistence that record levels of unemployment don't mean we're not in a recovery; news that Gordon Brown was forced to run through kitchens in the UN basement to get Obama's attention; further evidence that policies of endless negotiation are failing with Iran; reports the commander of the war in Afghanistan saying he doesn't have the support he needs, that we're losing, and that he's only met with Obama once, by teleconference, since he was put in charge; news that most of Hollywood justifies drugging and raping a 13 year old girl — we have some really important breaking news...

BURT, NEW YORK - Ronald McNulty is a longtime Republican and member the Rotary Club, an association dedicated to improving communities. But this morning, one of his co-workers reported that he looked "peeved" at the office, and was "muttering angrily" towards a piece of office equipment. "Yeah, it could have been the printer just jammed again," admitted co-worker George Winters, who works with McNulty at Good Homes real estate. "But I'm pretty sure the intensity of his anger was motivated by his discomfort with having a black man as President."

"I agree", noted Melissa Gordon, McNulty's supervisor, when asked about the nationally rising tide of right-wing extremism and violence. "He seemed much happier during the Bush years. He says he just concerned lately that his brother-in-law has been out of a job, but I'd guess he's probably been listening to too much Glenn Beck." Gordon declined to answer questions as to whether they'd stepped up security since McNulty's troubling and potentially racist outburst earlier this morning.

Madeline Ortez, a psychologist specializing in politically-motivated interpersonal dynamics, agrees that McNulty's shocking display is part of a trend: "I'm seeing a lot of this among my patients... I have patients who break down sobbing because some family member or former friend criticized 'the public option', 'inaction' on Iran or Afghanistan, or 'the deficit'. They know these are just 'code words', and can't believe the depth of racism all around them." She also agreed that Glenn Beck appeared to be seriously deranged, and recommended immediate forcible restraint.

"Always remember that Rush Limbaugh used to abuse prescription drugs," she noted cannily. "We can't continue to give that sort of immoral behavior a public platform where it can influence others."

The chairman of the FCC did not respond to our suggestion that, given his responsibility for incidents like this, Glenn Beck should be removed from the air. An official who did not wish to be named noted that CNN was technically a cable network.

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